JTJHANSSENMSC OR CROWN

Jos is a par-a-dent-o-logist. His office has a dining room table in the waiting room where you can easily feed 16 people including space for servants to serve. Jos has many servants – ladies, all nice and all wearing light blue and white. This reminds me of KLM – my air-line of choice because of the blue and white. KLM blue, however, is darker than Jos’s blue. Jos’s dining room table is brown and the chairs are beige and brown alternating.

Today was our 2nd Jos meeting. This meeting – correctly called The Plan – was to discuss the plan of my par-a-dent-o-logy.

Jos says: It is very bad.

I ask: Will I die?

Jos says: No.

I think: Thank god Jos isn’t an on-col-o-gist.

Jos says: You have bad boys in your mouth.

I think: Good lyrics.

He also says: The bad boys match the bad numbers that you also have.

He says: This is good.

I ask: On a national level is this the worst mouth in the land?

He says: No. It is an average mouth for the average mouth slob… (only he doesn’t use these exact words because is not speaking English.)

Jan spills a cup of water all over Jos’s report that was meticulously put together by Jos’s blue and white ladies. If they have to print them again we might see “printer ink” on the bill which is now 1 K plus. We cleaned up the water with paper, also blue.

Jos says that he doesn’t want to minimize the exasperating crown in my mouth – the very reason I came to meet him – but that – he was sorry to say – the crown was no more than a tiny problem next to the bad boys and their bad numbers. Nevertheless, the cursed crown has to come off. Luckily he can do this today – after the 3rd appointment.

I have forgotten to mention that I am – now – at the dining room table for the 3rd time today and will be here another time… that would be for the removal of the crown. It is an exciting day for my mouth.

Jos is serious so I have to make him laugh or I will have a heart attack.

He talks about the medicine I must take that is “heavy.” This is the correct translation.

I ask: Do I have to stay in bed?

He says: Maybe.

I think: I need a valium.

He says: All the bad has to come out and that might hurt.

I think: This is an exorcism.

Again I ask: Is this the worse mouth in the land?

Jos calls me dramatic but I think he is more dramatic because he uses dramatic adjectives.

Jos and I discuss what “heavy” means until finally he relents and says: Some people don’t have any complaints at all!

I think: I am going to bed for 7 days.