Thank you. She started out putting band-aids on bruises and giving aspirins to the menstruating and ended up doing the sets of your plays and counting how many balls went into the baskets. She did your excel sheets excellently and arranged your graduations and galas to a tea. She dealt with the parents and was polite when she could have and should have been rude. She sat in a corner and didn’t have a door. Her job description was one of those that makes no sense because it has a little of this and a little of that. And these little-this-little-that-people are usually quite important because no one knows exactly what they do but when they are absent everything goes wrong. I myself am one such type. We are Me and Her.
This document is a letter of thanks that has to do with the idea that her job left her an amount of time and relative flexibility to spend some moments and hours, on an almost daily basis, and for approximately several years, to spend with me. When we discovered the marvels of instant messaging, otherwise known as chatting, we began to give voice to the world and everything in it. I don’t think we ever spoke of Stephen Hawking but we pretty much covered a lot of other stuff including The Big Bang Theory which does indeed discuss Mr. Hawking in some detail.
And now, my calendar is showing November 2012 which means that she is going away and not only leaving you but also leaving this. We have five more days of chat in which to end a babbling brook of words, criticisms, complains, comments, opinions, and kvetches on subjects ranging from here to there, most of them completely unimportant and all of them in range of the human experience.
With this letter, which is not a chat but which will go into the chat, me and her would like to thank the old boss, the new boss, the new new boss, the newer boss, and the IT guys who kept us in the clear. We were worried at times that you would find out about us so at some point we stopped cursing and starting doing ^&(*&(*&%$ which, as you know, is still cursing but can’t be quoted. We also got paranoid every once in a while but thankfully nothing happened. And this why me and her are thanking you on this day.
I would also like to point out that we have kept LPHS well informed about the Palestinian Israeli conflict when asked by your interested staff. In addition, we have created an atmosphere of laughter – at times bordering on hysteria – with some of your employees, many of whom are no longer in your employ. They have been in on it and we also thank them for being both audience and protector. We also found a muse among our followers.
As to how we did it, my day starts to stop as hers starts to begin. We have been 6 and 7 hours apart for the better part of these years depending on which of our countries changed clocks first. For further information, Egypt and Jordan do not have daylight savings time.
In conclusion, if and when the book comes out, and if and when we win the PP (you will have to read the book to understand this), we want you to know that even if it’s not allowed, it happened anyway. And no one needed a band-aid though some of us needed an aspirin.
On behalf of Me and Her.
Thank you and Goodbye!
November 20, 2012